Sunday, September 6, 2009

Parse this sentence:

"Is there anyone alive who hasn't seen All About Eve -- anyone who doesn't love movies, that is?"

That's Edward Guthmann of the San Francisco Chronicle, quoted on the Netflix "Critics" tab for All About Eve.

So, is there anyone alive who doesn't love movies? The answer: Yes.

Out of all of these non-movie lovers, how many of them haven't seen All About Eve?

Pretty much all of them, I think.

Yes, Edward used to get paid to write sentences like that. Somebody at Netflix gets paid to find them and quote them.

In order for me to get paid to produce something, I have to make sure that what I'm producing actually works.

Cheers, Ed.


  1. The slumbering bear awakes and he's grumpy. Surly Sterling is my favorite version and has great alliteration.

    I love movies and I've never seen All About Eve. So does this mean that I don't love movies really? Or really, I have seen it and just don't know it? I feel cornered. ffffsssssss fffssss hhiissss get back Edward Guthmann, don't push me!

  2. I'm proud to be your favorite version. I'm trying to figure out exactly what I'm a favorite version of, but I'm proud none the less.

  3. criticritic critic (www.criticriticritic.comNovember 24, 2009 at 8:15 AM

    Ok, Let's parse this sentence:

    "In order for me to get paid to produce something, I have to make sure that what I'm producing actually works."

    So, not knowing anything about you I would normally conclude that you’re a bitter old man with nothing but time on their hands because of a lack of close family since you “criticritic’d” them to death years ago. But seeing as your blog here has not been updated since September, maybe Gene Siskel read some of your writing and came back to defend his buddy Ebert by taking your life.

    Let us begin! The above sentence makes me think of different fields that you might work in. Here are a few examples and how they don’t work with your sentence. Maybe you could clear this up for me.

    Product guy at the local supermarket
    When you work in produce in hard to not “produce” something, but minimum wage is not really getting paid now it is? And produce produces by itself. So no intervention is required by you for it to “work”. So therefore you fail. You didn’t actually do anything.

    Computer repair guy
    In order to get paid you just have to produce enough big words and complex scenarios that will confound everyone around you and make them think you as some earthly manifestation of the Greek god of Technology (they must have had one). This actually requires you to do and produce nothing but you will get paid a lot of money for it. Therefore you fail again. You got a lot of money but did not actually do anything but talk. (Something I am beginning to think you’re rather good at)

    Salesman of who cares what
    You can talk a lot in this job (look here for your next career) and get paid for it. The only problem is you are paid to be a “legal” confidence man. In this role you would get a lot of money if you are good at tricking people, but the only thing you are producing is lies that waft to the ears of the fools who listen. Since this is producing something but not something useful then I will give you half-credit. Therefore you HALF FAIL.

    Now that I think about it. Your probably one of the jocks at school that used to pick on me but now I make 5 times the amount of money that you do and I only have to work half as hard. So go get me a coffee!